Reflection: Don’t Judge

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We hear this all the time but we seldom practice it. This is very basic but we tend to forget about it all the time. We don’t want to become a victim of it but we continue to do it to other people.

My character has been assassinated for several times. In fact, if my character has a physical body of its own, it could have been dead long ago. My character has been killed by schoolmates, teachers, even by our school principal when I was in high school. It has been killed by my ex-boyfriend’s neighbour, even by people who are not related to me or people whom I haven’t met.

I guess people misjudged me because I was always being misunderstood. My actions were being criticized and people who see my actions take them out of context, and the misinterpretation turn to words being passed on from one person to another who also have their own interpretation. At the end of the day, the story is entirely different and most of the time, the story is no longer true to its original context, not even close.

Everyone has experienced this. After all, all of us are human beings. When we experience this, we feel like victims of undue circumstances and it seems that people around us are so unfair because we were not given the benefit of the doubt. We perceive it as trial by publicity and in that situation, we feel like we are being deprived of defending ourselves by any means.

I hate encountering this, and indeed it seems unfair however, as I reflect on my actions, I realized that I too had killed someone else’s character one way or another: a radio or TV personality, a church mate, school mate, colleagues, friends, or even relatives. When I ponder on it, I think life is not really that unfair. What I do to others, for sure that’s what I’m getting as well, only in different intensity or approach that’s why at times I think it’s unfair.

I admit that I had and have misjudge a good number of people, and I’m 100% sure that there are a lot of people who did that to me as well, and I can’t blame them. After all they are just human beings just like me. I may have the right to get angry and feel hatred for awhile and no one can take that from me because anger and hatred itself are not sin but a form of catharsis which needs to be released to relieve the heart, the body, and the soul. However, I have a total control of that anger and hatred so that they won’t turn out as sin or any form that could lead to negative consequence. Other people have the same right, too. It’s just that I don’t have the control in their emotions and how they will release that tension. Again, I can only control myself not others.

Since I have the full control of myself, the least that I can do is to control my way of thinking. If I try to understand people more –like where they are coming from, why are they acting that way- I can encounter a certain paradigm shift that could lead me not to misjudge or take the action of others out of context. Since I have the full control of myself, I can practice that new paradigm mentally which later on can turn to habit that will sink in my heart which will become behaviour and later on will be my attitude.

Indeed, I cannot control what others may feel or how they will react in certain situations but in that paradigm shift, I could influence others to at least try to sort things out and be wise enough to think first before acting. To give a benefit of the doubt first before jumping to conclusion that could only lead to never ending arguments and etc.

Word is a powerful tool. For me, it is sharper than any blade, and it is faster to kill someone than a fired bullet. Once the word was said, it can never be taken back. Once it bruised the heart, it will take a lot of time –maybe years- to heal the wound that it caused. Once the word is said, it is irreversible and once the damage has been done, it could be irreparable no matter how hard you take back what you have said. I read from a book that God is in the word so it should be treated with reverence. I guess it’s true enough, basing on the experience of everyone.

Given these, I think communication became harder for me. I know myself and I know for a fact that I am not very good at it. Most of the time I don’t know what the right words to say or how I am going to say things, that’s why I can’t blame others if they misinterpret me. It’s embarrassing but the truth it, there are times wherein I don’t mean what I say, and I can’t really say what I mean, that’s why whenever I pray, I ask the Almighty to grant me with discerning spirit so that I could deliver what I am suppose to deliver, and hopefully people will understand me better so that I won’t be taken out of context.

I think that’s what the problem is. We are just careless. We are not sensitive enough in expressing ourselves that’s why people misjudge us. Like in my situation, I treat or expect everyone that they are highly educated, could ride in my kind of humour, and broad-minded in all topics. I admit that sometimes I am not sensitive enough to consider that not everyone is highly educated, not everyone could consider my jokes as humorous, and some people are just narrow-minded. I think that for me, I have to be careful since I encounter people from all walks of life. I have to be considerate on other people’s background and hopefully it could help me have a better and lasting relationship with them.

This world is very complicated. All creations are so complex and very hard to understand, but I guess that is the beauty of creation. Everyone’s uniqueness is an added spice in this world. I guess all of us are not obliged to understand everyone. I think God is not expecting us to understand the complexity of the world and I guess He is not expecting us to have the accurate answers to life’s questions. We can never comprehend His majestic creation but we can accept it with all its complexity including those people who seems to be too complicated for us to handle. We just have to accept things, events, or people around us, and never try to know it all because when we try to know everything, we tend to assume, and assuming could lead us to misjudging or misinterpreting people, thus, we fail to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of each individual.

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